The Redneck Guide to Emergency Preparedness
By: Mike Piccione (08/26/2011)
Hurricane Irene is crawling towards the east coast of the United States. The aftermath of a hurricane kind of reminds me of what happens when you put a hungry baby in a strip bar: everyone ends up confused and no one gets what they wanted.
Immediately after an emergency, and you have seen this time and time again, the first people to be up and running and rescuing others are the rednecks. It’s not the Harvard MBA’s that are pulling people out of flooded homes with jon boats. It’s the rednecks.
In order to make the lofty claim that you are able to write on rednecks you have to have some redneck credentials. It took some time to find out I had redneck in me. I grew up working on farms, fishing for bullhead, the priest let me put my .22 near the front steps of the church so I didn’t have to waste time going back home to get it after services. To me all this was normal. It’s what kids did.
Then my self-actualizing redneck awaking occurred. I was a young Marine, living is South Carolina and I was transferred to the Pentagon in Washington DC. When I arrived I rented a room in Arlington, VA with a house full of city folk. One day I was out of food and traffic was so bad I didn’t want to take two hours to get to a grocery store and back just for something to eat. So instead of going to the store, I grabbed my pellet gun, put 10 pumps into it and went outside to the street and shot a squirrel. Dressed it on the spot and a few minutes later it was frying in a pan. That’s when the city folk roommates explained to me that what I just done qualified me as redneck. At least I had dinner.
When it hits the fan and there is trouble a redneck will always come out on top of the situation. What is their secret? Preparedness. And this is how they do it…
When it hits the fan, I'm sure glad we have rednecks in the U.S.! With all the money we’re throwing at the rest of the world (plus Moochelle's trips to... EVERYWHERE,) there sure won’t be any left for OUR aid. We’re gonna HAVE to depend on rednecks to haul our ass out!